You know you are a COWBOYS fan if...
- Your front porch collapses and you kill more than 6 dogs.
- You've ever used lard in bed.
- You think potted meat and saltines are an hors d'oevre.
- There is a stuffed possum mounted anywhere in your house.
- You consider a six-pack of beer and watching a bug-zapper quality entertainment.
- Less than half of the cars you own run.
- Your mother doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the state patrolman to kiss her ass.
- The main color of your car is "primer."
- You honestly think women are turned on by animal noises and seductive tongue gestures.
- Your family tree doesn't fork.
- Your wife's hairdo has ever been caught in a ceiling fan.
- Your mother has ever been involved in a fist fight at a high school sports event.
- You've ever B-B-Q'd spam on the grill.
- The neighbors started a petition concerning your Christmas lights.
- Your brother-in-law is your uncle.
- You have refused to watch the Academy Awards since Smokey & The Bandit was snubbed for best picture.
- The rear tires on your car are twice as wide as the front ones.
- You consider True Story of Field & Stream deep reading.
- You prominently display a gift you purchased at Graceland.
- The diploma hanging in your den includes the words "Trucking Institute."
- Your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.
- You've ever worn a tube top to a wedding.
- You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
- The most common phrase heard ar your family reunion is"What the hell are you looking at, S**thead?"
- You think beef sticks and moon pies are two of the major food groups.
- You think Campho-Phenique is a miracle drug.
- You have more than two brothers named Bubba or Junior.
- You think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.
- You think the styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.
- You have a rag for a gas cap.
- You had a toothpick in your mouth when your wedding pictures were taken.
- You've ever used a weed eater indoors.
- Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
- You wait to fart in bed so you can fan the covers on your spouse.
- You have a fly-strip hanging above the kitchen table.
- Your matchbook doubles as a toothpick.
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