You know you are a COWBOYS fan if...

• Your front porch collapses and you kill more than 6 dogs.
• You've ever used lard in bed.
• You think potted meat and saltines are an hors d'oevre.
• There is a stuffed possum mounted anywhere in your house.
• You consider a six-pack of beer and watching a bug-zapper quality entertainment.
• Less than half of the cars you own run.
• Your mother doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the state patrolman to kiss her ass.
• The main color of your car is "primer."
• You honestly think women are turned on by animal noises and seductive tongue gestures.
• Your family tree doesn't fork.
• Your wife's hairdo has ever been caught in a ceiling fan.
• Your mother has ever been involved in a fist fight at a high school sports event.
• You've ever B-B-Q'd spam on the grill.
• The neighbors started a petition concerning your Christmas lights.
• Your brother-in-law is your uncle.
• You have refused to watch the Academy Awards since Smokey & The Bandit was snubbed for best picture.
• The rear tires on your car are twice as wide as the front ones.
• You consider True Story of Field & Stream deep reading.
• You prominently display a gift you purchased at Graceland.
• The diploma hanging in your den includes the words "Trucking Institute."
• Your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.
• You've ever worn a tube top to a wedding.
• You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
• The most common phrase heard ar your family reunion is"What the hell are you looking at, S**thead?"
• You think beef sticks and moon pies are two of the major food groups.
• You think Campho-Phenique is a miracle drug.
• You have more than two brothers named Bubba or Junior.
• You think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.
• You think the styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.
• You have a rag for a gas cap.
• You had a toothpick in your mouth when your wedding pictures were taken.
• You've ever used a weed eater indoors.
• Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
• You wait to fart in bed so you can fan the covers on your spouse.
• You have a fly-strip hanging above the kitchen table.
• Your matchbook doubles as a toothpick.