LICENSE TO STEAL
Two Kentucky men tried to pull the front off a cash machine
by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their
pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine,
though, they pulled the bumper off the truck. They panicked and
fled, leaving the chain still attached to the machine, their bumper
still attached to the chain, and their license plate still attached
to the bumper.
IN THE BAG
A "tourist," supposedly on a golf holiday, stood in line at the
customs counter. While making idle chatter, the customs official
thought it odd that the golfer didn't know what a handicap was. The
officer then asked the tourist to demonstrate his swing. He did -
backwards. A substantial amount of narcotics was found in the golf
bag.
MADE FOR TV
Guns For Hire, an Arizona company specializing in staged
gunfights for Western movies, got a call from a 47-year-old woman who
wanted to have her husband shot. She was sentenced to four years in jail.
DO YOU ACCEPT CREDIT CARDS?
A Texan convicted of robbery worked out a deal to pay $9600
in damages rather than serve a two-year prison sentence. For
payment, he provided the court a forged check. He got his
prison term back, plus eight more years.
YOU MEAN ME?
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously
waving revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When
his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
DEADHEADS
A man in Orange County Municipal Court had been ticketed for
driving alone in the carpool lane. He claimed that the four
frozen cadavers in the mortuary van he was driving should be
counted. The judged ruled that passengers must be alive to
qualify.
THIS WOULD BE ME
The judge called the case of People vs. Steven Lewon Crook.
The bailiff opened the door to the holding cell and called,
"Crook, come forward." Five of the prisoners entered the
courtroom.
LEARN YOUR LESSON
When asked for her occupation, a woman charged with a trafficviolation said she was a schoolteacher. The judge rose from the
bench. "Madam, I have waited years for a schoolteacher to appear
before this court," he smiled with delight. "Now sit down at that
table and write 'I will not pass through a red light' five hundred
times."
AHH, THAT'S BETTER!
A judge in Louisville decided a jury went "a little bit too far" in
recommending a sentence of 5,005 years for a man who was convicted of five robberies and a kidnapping. The judge reduced the sentence to 1,001 years.
OOPS! I BLEW THAT ONE!
A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this
creative defense: "My client merely inserted his arm into the
window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not
himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole
individual for an offense committed by his limb." "Well put,"
the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the
defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany
it or not, as he chooses." The defendant smiled. With his
lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the
bench, and walked out.