What you are really saying by the car you buy . . .
- Acura Integra - I have always wanted to own the Buick of sports cars
- Acura Legend - I'm too bland for German cars
- Acura NSX - I am impotent
- Audi 90 - I enjoy putting out engine fires
- Buick Park Avenue - I am older than 34 of the 50 states
- Cadillac Eldorado - I am a very good Mary Kay salesman
- Cadillac Seville - I am a pimp
- Chevrolet Camaro - I enjoy beating the hell out of people
- Chevrolet Chevette - I like seeing people's reactions when I tell them I have a 'Vette
- Chevrolet Corvette - I'm in a mid-life crisis
- Chevrolet El Camino - I am leading a militia to overthrow the government
- Chrysler Cordoba - I dig the rich Corinthian leather
- Datsun 280Z - I have a kilo of cocaine in my wheel well
- Dodge Dart - I teach third grade special education and I voted for Eisenhower
- Dodge Daytona - I delivered pizza for four years to get this car
- Ferrari Testarossa - I am known to prematurely ejaculate
- Ford Fairmont - (See Dodge Dart)
- Ford Mustang - I slow down to 85 in school zones
- Ford Crown Victoria - I enjoy having people slow to 55mph and change lanes when I pull up behind them
- Geo Storm - I will start the 11th grade in the fall.
- Geo Tracker - I will start the 12th grade in the fall.
- Honda del Sol - I have always said, half a convertible is better than no convertible at all
- Honda Civic - I have just graduated and have no credit
- Honda Accord - I lack any originality and am basically a lemming.
- Infiniti Q45 - I am a physician with 17 malpractice suits pending.
- Isuzu Impulse - I do not give a darn about J.D. Power or his reports.
- Jaguar XJ6 - I am so rich I will pay 60K for a car that is in the shop 280 days per year.
- Kia Sephia - I learned nothing from the failure of Daihatsu
- Lamborghini Countach - I only have one testicle
- Lincoln Town Car - I live for bingo and covered dish suppers
- Mercury Grand Marquis - (See above)
- Mercedes 500SL - I will beat you up if you ask me for an autograph
- Mercedes 560SEL - I have a daughter named Bitsy and a son named Cole
- Mazda Miata - I do not fear being decapitated by an eighteen-wheeler
- MGB - I am dating a mechanic
- Mitsubishi Diamante - I don't know what it means either
- Nissan 300ZX - I have yet to complete my divorce proceedings.
- Oldsmobile Cutlass - I just stole this car and I'm going to make a fortune off the parts
- Peugeot 505 Diesel - I am on the EPA's Ten Most Wanted List
- Plymouth Neon - I sincerely enjoy doing the Macarena
- Pontiac Trans AM - I have a switchblade in my sock
- Porsche 911 Turbo - I have a three inch thingie
- Porsche 944 - I am dating big haired women that otherwise would be inaccessible to me
- Rolls Royce Silver Shadow - I think Pat Buchannon is a tad bit too liberal
- Saturn SC2 - (See Honda Civic)
- Subaru Legacy - I have always wanted a Japanese car even more inferior than Isuzu
- Toyota Camry - I am still in the closet
- Volkswagon Beetle - I still watch Partridge Family reruns
- Volkswagon Cabriolet - I am out of the closet
- Volkswagon Microbus - I am tripping right now
- Volvo 740 Wagon - I am frightened of my wife