How safe are the skys??

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Aircraft: Approach, how far from the airport are we in minutes?

O'Hare : N923, the faster you go, the quicker you'll get here.

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Aircraft: American 220, Eeney, meeny, miney, moe, how do you hear my radio?

O'Hare: N07K you look like you're established on the localizer and I don't know the names of any of the fixes, you're cleared for the ILS approach. Call the tower.

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O'Hare: AmTran 726, sorry about that, Center thought you were a Midway arrival. Just sit back, relax and pass out some more cookies...we'll get you to Milwaukee.

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Aircraft: Approach, what's our sequence?
O'Hare: Calling for the sequence I missed your callsign, but if I find out what it is, you're last.

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O'Hare: Sure you can have eight miles behind the heavy... there'll be a United tri-jet between you and him.

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Aircraft: Approach, Southwest 436, you want us to turn right to 090?
O'Hare: No, I want your brother to turn. Just do it and don't argue.

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Aircraft: Approach United 525 what's this aircraft doing at my altitude?
O'Hare: United 525, what makes you think it's YOUR altitude, Captain?

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O'Hare: Delta 1176, say speed
Aircraft: Delta 1176, we slowed it down to two-twenty
O'Hare: Delta 1176 pick it back up to two-fifty...this ain't Atlanta, and them ain't grits on the ground.

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Aircraft: Request Runway 27 Right O'Hare: Unable. Aircraft: Approach, do you know the wind at six thousand is 270 at fifty? O'Hare: Yeah, I do, and if we could jack the airport up to fifty-five hundred, you could have that runway. Expect 14 Right ------ O'Hare: Air Force Four-Five, it appears your engine has...oh, disregard...I see you've already ejected. ------ Aircraft: The first officer says he's got you in sight. O'Hare: Roger, the first officer's cleared for a visual approach runway 27 Right...you continue on that 180 heading and descend to three thousand." ------ Center: Hey, O'Hare, you see the 7600 code flashing five northwest of Gary? O'Hare: Yeah, I do...you guys talkin' to him? [That code means that all of the aircraft's radios are malfunctioning.] ------ Aircraft: Approach, what's the tower? O'Hare: That's a big tall building with glass all around it, but that's not important right now ------ Aircraft: How far behind traffic are we? O'Hare: Three miles. Aircraft: That doesn't look like three miles to us! O'Hare: You're a mile and a half from him, he's a mile and a half from you...that's three miles. ------ Ohare Ground: United 123 see the DC-9 in front and to the right on charlie, follow him, taxi to runway 9. United 123 : United 123 roger... A little while later: United 123: Ground that DC-9 you told us to follow just pulled into a gate got any other ideas CLICK BELOW TO GET MORE CLEAN JOKES ...And see our whole collection.