A closed mouth gathers no feet.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
A penny saved is ridiculous.
All that glitters has a high refractive index.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
Anarchy is better than no government at all.
Any small object when dropped will hide under a larger object.
Be moderate where pleasure is concerned, avoid fatigue.
Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.
Death is Nature's way of saying 'slow down'.
Don't force it, get a larger hammer.
Earn cash in your spare time... blackmail friends.
Entropy isn't what it used to be.
Fairy tales: horror stories for children to get them used to reality.
Going the speed of light is bad for your age.
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Herblock's Law: If it's good, they will stop making it.
History does not repeat itself, historians merely repeat each other.
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
It works better if you plug it in.
It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.
Jury: Twelve people who determine which client has the better lawyer.
Let not the sands of time get in your lunch.
Mediocrity thrives on standardization.
Reality is the only obstacle to happiness.
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
The 2 most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
He's not dead, he's electroencephalographically challenged.
You have the right to remain silent.... Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool.
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.