Aphorisms

• A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

• The hypothalamus is one of the most important parts of the brain, involved in many kinds of motivation, among other functions. The hypothalamus controls the "Four F's":
  
  1. fighting
     
  2. fleeing
     
  3. feeding
     
  4. mating
     
       -- Psychology professor in neuropsychology intro course

• What is a committee? A group of the unwilling, picked from the unfit, to do the unnecessary. -- Richard Harkness,
  The New York Times, 1960

• Slogan of 105.9, the classic rock radio station in Chicago: "Of all the radio stations in Chicago...we're one of them."

• Applying computer technology is simply finding the right wrench to pound in the correct screw.

• Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world.
  -- Dave Barry

• Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes hurtling down the highway. -- Andrew Tannenbaum

• If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there are men on base.
  -- Dave Barry

• When cryptography is outlawed, bayl bhgynjf jvyy unir cevinpl.

• Lazlo's Chinese Relativity Axiom: No matter how great your triumphs or how tragic your defeats---approximately one billion Chinese couldn't care less.

• Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps. -- Emo Phillips

• My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right. -- Ashleigh Brilliant

• Her kisses left something to be desired -- the rest of her.

• Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think Abraham Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today?
  
  1. Writing his memoirs of the Civil War.
     
  2. Advising the President.
     
  3. Desperately clawing at the inside of his coffin.
     
  --David Letterman

• An Animated Cartoon Theology:
  
  1. People are animals.
     
  2. The body is mortal and subject to incredible pain.
     
  3. Life is antagonistic to the living.
     
  4. The flesh can be sawed, crushed, frozen, stretched, burned, bombed, and plucked for music.
     
  5. The dumb are abused by the smart and the smart destroyed by their own cunning.
     
  6. The small are tortured by the large and the large destroyed by their own momentum.
     
  7. We are able to walk on air, but only as long as our illusion supports us.
     
  -- E. L. Doctorow "The Book of Daniel"

• Old Yiddish proverb: "If triangles had a God, He'd have three sides."

• I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me. -- Hunter S. Thompson

• Sacred cows make the best hamburger. -- Mark Twain

• "Time's fun when you're having flies." -- Kermit the Frog