Bumper Stickers
The Following are actual bumper stickers observed on America's roads:
- Want a taste of religion? Bite a minister.
- Worry, God knows all about you.
- Frank Warmerdam
- Jesus is coming, look busy!
- Alan Bennett
- Jesus loves you! (everyone else thinks you're an asshole!)
- Scott Mays
- JESUS SAVES... But Gretzky gets the rebound, he shoots, he SCORES!!
- Scott Mays
- I've found Jesus... He's in my trunk
- anonymous
- Suicide is a way of telling God 'you can't fire me, I QUIT!'
-Todd Rudolph
- I have nothing against god, it's his followers that I can't stand
-Brian E. Aronson
- Heaven doesn't want me, and hell is afraid I'll take over
-Alex Grushow
- Geez if you belive in honkus.
- The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.
- Letitia Yao
- I FOUND JESUS...he's in the truck of my car...you can see him for five dollars.
- Born again pagan.
- Letitia Yao
- God, please protect me from your followers.
- Russ Bergs
- God is living in Canada and doesn't want to get involved!
- Russ Bergs
- Do I look like a Hemroid? Then get off my ass
-William Mount
- Backoff I'm a postal worker.
-William Mount
- Of course you're faster, but I'm driving in front of you.
-Alfred Stoffels
- Now that you are on my ass you wanna get married?
-Eddie Walters
- I drive the speed limit. If you don't like it call a cop!
-Christina Ramer
- I'm not tailgaiting I'm drafting!
- anonymous
- I am a slow moving disciple of the Swami Procrastinada
- Stephanie Martin
- If you can read this, your to close. (Written in brail)
- Josh Walters
- If you can read this, you're in phaser range
- Dan Hecker
- Too Close for Missiles, Switching to Guns
- Mike Kleiner
- Do Not Tailgate. Or I Will Flick a Booger on Your windshield!
- anonymous
- I'm not in heat SO GET OFF MY TAIL!
- Sarah Rhodes
- Go ahead and honk. I'm reloading.
- Scot Colburn
- This car protected by a pissed off mother with a .45 auto.
-Colobus Martin
- Hold on before you pass, I'm reloading.
-Colobus Martin
- I have PMS and a gun.....excuse me, did you have something to say?
-Lisa Kennedy
- Happiness is an automatic weapon with a belt feed
- Kevin Kilbey
- Driver carries only $20 worth of ammunition
- Many People
- I still miss my ex...but my aim is getting better!
- Jennifer Lipori
- This car protected by Smith & Wesson
- Andrea Curry
- Fight crime, shoot back
- Remy Barnes
- If guns are outlawed, only outlaws will accidentally shoot their children
- Nancy Lutz
- Gun control means using both hands!
- Barry Bean
- Gun control is being able to hit your target
- Alex Grushow
- Guns don't kill people, they just make it easier
- Skylar Sutton
- My karma ran over your dogma.
- Cover me. I'm changing lanes.
- Friends don't let friends drive naked.
- If you don't like the way I drive, get off the sidewalk!
- Many different people
- Caution! Driver's applying make-up
- anonymous
- CAUTION : Driver Singing
- Andrea Curry
- The kids drive me crazy, I drive them everywhere
- anonymous
- Why am I the only person on earth that knows how to drive?
- Stephanie Martin
- FORGET ABOUT WORLD PEACE...VISUALIZE USING YOUR TURN SIGNAL
- Letitia Yao
- If you think I'm a lousy driver, wait until you see me putt
- Kevin Streit
- Hang up and drive
- Jenne Erin
- I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather. . . Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car
- Many people
- Evacuate the road!!! STUDENT driving!!
-Urszula & Waldo Mochalski
- It was only a lane change!
-Susan Montgomery
- I drive this way just to piss you off.
-Eddie Walters
- Go on speeding, we'll cut you out (of your car ) -- Your Fire Dept.
-Alfred Stoffels
- Go on, I'll see you at the next traffic light.
-Alfred Stoffels
- Get in. Sit down. Shut up. Hang on.
-Dawn M Nyht
- Caution I swerve and hit people at random.
-Eddie Walters
- So many pedestrians, so little time.
- Lost your cat? Look under my tires
- Eddie Grant
- <----Passing Side / Suicide---->
- Hang up and drive
- Jennepher Barnes
- I wonder how you'd drive with that car phone shoved up your ass?
- Larry Pittman
- Beautify Texas. Put a Yankee on a bus.
- Welcome to Texas, now go home.
- Carlsbad Caverns: 22% more cavities.
- Save California; when you leave take someone with you.
- I Cayman went.
- Wisconsin: Smell our dairy air!
-Carol Ann Asiala
- WELCOME TO IDAHO. NOW GO BACK TO CALIFORNIA
- Kris Fye
- If Texas is so great, what are you doing in New Mexico?
- Sarah Reinhardt
- DAMM - Drunks Against Mad Mothers
-Adrian Mongeli
- I may be drunk, but you are down right ugly, and I shall be sober in the morning
- anonymous
- A man is not truly drunk until he can't lie on the floor without holding on
- Keith Fisher
- An Irishman is not drunk so long as he can hold on to one blade of grass and not fall off the earth.
- Don't drink and drive--if you hit a bump you spill your beer
- David Elmer
- If I'm driving funny its probably becuase I'm drunk.
- Alastair
- Beer isn't just for breakfast any more.
- A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
- Letitia Yao
- I have a problem with drinking... two hands and only one mouth
- Ignacio Aspiazul
- Honk if you hate noise pollution
-Gurmukh Mongia
- Clap one hand if you love Budda
-Greg Bishopp
- Honk if you don't give a damn
- anonymous
- Horn broken. Watch for finger.
- anonymous
- Honk if you love cheeses.
- Honk if you're illiterate
- Honk if the twins fall out
- Jennepher Barnes
- Honk if parts fall off!
- Tom Andrecht
- Mafia staff car.
-Alfred Stoffels
- MY OTHER TARDIS IS A POLICE BOX
- Wesle Dymoke
- My other car is a Zamboni
- Andrea Curry
- My other car is Christine, and she's right behind you!
- David Brown
- My wife's other car is a broom.
- Sandra Hill
- This is not an abandoned vehicle.
- Do Not Wash - this vehicle is undergoing a scientific dirt test.
-Dawn M Nyht
- Yah it stinks and is giving you a headache it's a desil
-anonymous
- This car is like my husband, if it ain't yours don't touch it!
- Susan Lee Rivas
- We're staying together for the sake of the cats.
- When you're in love, you're at the mercy of a stranger.
- I'm the man of this house and I have my wife's permission to say so.
-Urszula & Waldo Mochalski
- I got this motorhome for my wife....BEST deal I ever made!
- anonymous
- LOVE: TWO VOWELS, TWO CONSONANTS, TWO FOOLS
- Letitia Yao
- Dad's the boss. Right Mommy?
- Brian Gugala
- THE GENE POOL COULD USE A LITTLE CHLORINE
- Letitia Yao
- SOME PEOPLE ARE ALIVE ONLY BECAUSE IT IS ILLEGAL TO KILL THEM
- Letitia Yao
- Thank you for not breeding
- anonymous
- YOU!!! Out of the gene pool
- anonymous
- Learn from your parent's mistakes - use birth control
-Judd & Sara Stewart
- So many stupid people, So few comets
- Letitia Yao
- Sorry, I don't date outside my species.
- Stop Inbreding! Ban country music.
-Daryl Ganskopp
- When evolution is outlawed, only outlaws children will evolve.
- John W. Pope
- A fool and his money are my best friends
-Gurmukh Mongia
- It is better to be rich and healthy than poor and sick.
-Jowe Cromwell
- Change is inevitable... except for vending machines
-anonymous
- Money isn't everything...but it sure keeps the kids in touch!
- Tara Williams
- Hit me, I need money
- anonymous
- Thank God for the IRS. Without them I'd be stinking rich!
- Alex Grushow
- If money could talk, it would say goodbye.
- A fool and his money are soon partying
-Alex Grushow
- IF YOU'RE RICH, I'M SINGLE
- Laura Gill
- Bright red meat is good for you. Fuzzy green meat is not good for you.
-Victor Burhans
- Vegetarian: Indian word for lousy hunter
-Brian E. Aronson
- There are only 2 choices on the menu: take it or leave it.
-Urszula & Waldo Mochalski
- I didn't work my way to the top of the food chain to eat vegetables
- Many people
- I like cats, they taste just like chicken.
- Many different people
- If we weren't meant to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
- Cory Gallagher
- Cat... the other white meat.
- Letitia Yao
- Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
- Grow your own dope, plant a man.
- Many different people
- Good Girls Go To Heaven, Bad Girls Go Everywhere.
- Susan Lee Rivas
- Zero to Bitch in 4.0 Seconds
- Susan Lee Rivas
- FEW WOMEN ADMIT THEIR AGE, FEW MEN ACT IT
- Letitia Yao
- I'm the person your mother warned you about!
-Lisa Leatherneck
- Men aren't pigs....pigs are gentle, cute creatures!
-Lisa Kennedy
- Missing, Husband And Dog; Attention $100.00 Reward For Dog
- anonymous
- If men had periods, they'd brag about the size of their tampons
-Brian E. Aronson
- When God made man she was only kidding!
- Amy Morris
- It's been lovely, but I have to scream now.
- Normal people worry me
- Stephanie Martin
- Scientists say 1 out of every 4 people is crazy, check 3 friends, if they are ok, your it
- anonymous
- I DON'T SUFFER FROM INSANITY, I ENJOY EVERY MINUTE OF IT
- Letitia Yao
- Moody bitch seeks nice guy for love-hate relationship
- Linda Olson
- Support mental health or I'll kill you
- Garett Blackwell
- Sometimes I wish life had subtitles
- anonymous
- If you're happy and you know it see a shrink
-anonymous
- P.M.S ?!! Hell, this is one of my better days!!
-Urszula & Waldo Mochalski
- Madness takes its toll--please have exact change ready
- Robert Hallworth
- If you can't change your mind, are you sure you still have one?
-Brian E. Aronson
- I may be fat but you're ugly, and I can lose weight.
- Life's too short to dance with ugly men.
- Life's too short to dance with ugly women.
- My other wife is beautiful.
- Nobody's ugly after 2 a.m.
- Never fight ugly people they have nothing to loose
-anonymous
- Us blondes aren't bumb
- anonymous
- If you think I'm a drunk driver you're wrong, I'm a blonde
- Dana Lyon
- Body by Nautilus; brain by Mattel
- Minda McDorman
- When blondes have more fun, do the know it?
- Alex Grushow
- HE WHO LAUGHS LAST THINKS SLOWEST
- Letitia Yao
- i souport publik edekashun
- Jill Wood-Naatz
- Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all of it's students.
-Brian Gerards
- As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
-Brian Gerards
- I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
-Brian Gerards
- I is a college student.
- HUKED ON FONIKS WERKD FER ME!
- My wife says if I go fishing one more time, she's going to leave me. Gosh, I'm going to miss her.
- The worst day fishing is better than the best day working.
- The question of fishing is not a matter of life or death... it's more important than that.
- Alex Grushow
- Work is for people who don't know how to fish
- Mark Roach
- My kid can beat up your honor student
- Mike Ralston
- My honor student fired your stupid kid
- David Rasoff
- My child was inmate of the month at the county jail
- Michael Foster
- My kid had sex with your honor student.
- Take a Bite out of Crime. It tastes like Chicken.
-Daniel Gershman
- Crime wouldn't pay if the government ran it.
- I don't lie, cheat or steal unnecessarily.
- Don't steal. The government hates competition.
- Hug a Logger you will never go back to trees
-Phil Ferguson
- Support your local undertaker - DROP DEAD!
-anonymous
- Archeologists will date any old thing
- Becky Staley
- Join the Army: Visit exotic places, meet interesting people and then kill them
- Andrea Curry
- Please don't tell my Mama that I work on an oil rig... She thinks I'm a piano player in a whorehouse.
- Jack Fleming
- Give Blood Play Hockey
- Douglass Laing
- Guns don't kill people postal workers do.
- Alastair
- U.S. MARINE CORPS.--Everything destroyed in 30 min. or the next one's free!
- Support a Lawyer - Become a Doctor
- Don Smith
- FIREFIGHTERS FIND THEM HOT AND LEAVE EM WET
- Dole for Pineapple, Not for President
- Remy Barnes
- Honk if you've been groped by Clinton
- Don Smith
- Auntie Em. Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy.
- It's as bad as you think and they are out to get you.
- If you don't like the news, go out and make some of your own.
- When you do a good deed get a receipt (in case heaven is like the IRS).
- Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off.
- Eschew obfuscation.
- Will Rogers never met a lawyer.
- Happiness is seeing your mother-in-law's face on the back of a milk carton.
- It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
- Is there life before coffee?
- Never play leap frog with a unicorn.
- The weather is here. Wish you were beautiful.
- I need someone really bad. Are you really bad?
- Smile. It's the second best thing you can do with your lips.
- Don't laugh. Your daughter could be in this vehicle.
- Nuke the unborn baby whales.
- I came, I saw, I did a little shopping.
- There's one in every crowd and they always find me.
- Just when you think you've won the rat race along come faster rats.
- If it's too loud, you're too old.
- Wink. I'll do the rest.
- Cynics are people who know the price of everything and the value of nothing.
- Who cares who's on board?
- Die Yuppie Scum.
- No radio. Already stolen.
- Exxon Suxx.
- Flying saucers are real, the Air Force doesn't exist.
- I don't care who you are, what you are driving, or where you would rather be. - Dorian Hausman
- Pray for Whirled Peas!
- Many different people
- It's not how you pick your nose, it's where you put the boogers.
- Jennifer Nichols
- It's not how you pick it, but where you flick it
- Allan Wise
- They say you can't take it with you... But they also can't come and get it!
- Russell Chambers
- Humpty Dumpty was Pushed.
- Susan Lee Rivas
- I'd rather be over the hill than under it.
- David Brown
- I've run out of sick days, so I am calling in dead
- Jennie Cline
- Defecation eventuates.
- Shelley Huston
- Fleece on earth, good wool to ewe.
- Alex Grushow
- If there is a tourist season, why can't we shoot them
- Stepahn Hoffman
- Nonconformists are all alike.
- Duncan Frenz
- Hug your kids at home-belt them in the car!
- anonymous
- Car will explode upon impact
- Brian Baxter
- Don't piss me off. i'm running out of places to hide the bodies.
- Stephanie Martin
- Don't laugh at these fogged up windows it's your daughter in here
- David Elmer
- Ask me about microwaving cats for fun and profit
- anonymous
- Do what you did when you were a kid: fly a kite, go fishing hunt a dinosaur
- Stanford Le
- CONSCIOUSNESS: THAT ANNOYING TIME BETWEEN NAPS
- Letitia Yao
- DIPLOMACY IS THAT ART OF SAYING "NICE DOGGIE!"...TILL YOU CAN FIND A ROCK
- Letitia Yao
- I LIKE YOU BUT I WOULDN'T WANT TO SEE YOU WORKING WITH SUB-ATOMIC PARTICLES
- Letitia Yao
- LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION, I CAN FIND IT MYSELF
- Letitia Yao
- ACCORDING TO MY CALCULATIONS THE PROBLEM DOESN'T EXIST
- Letitia Yao
- PRIDE IS WHAT WE HAVE - VANITY IS WHAT OTHERS HAVE
- Letitia Yao
- WE HAVE ENOUGH YOUTH, HOW ABOUT A FOUNTAIN OF SMART
- Letitia Yao
- PURITANISM: THE HAUNTING FEAR THAT SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE MAY BE HAPPY
- Letitia Yao
- End racism...kill everyone
- Laura Giannotti
- Indians discovered Columbus
- Matthew Atkinson
- Never Underestimate The Power Of Stupid People In Large Groups
- D.Z. Jursevics
- If you love your life as much as I love my car then you won't steal it
- anonymous
- Hire Teenagers while they still know everything!
- Phillip Hubbell
- Conserve Water; Shower with a friend
- anonymous
- Let me tell you about my bowel movements.
-Julie Woodson
- If you are not the lead truck, the scenary never changes.
-Urszula & Waldo Mochalski
- All generalizations are false.
- Jill Wood-Naatz
- If I roll up my windows and lock the doors, its because you smell horrible
-Brian E. Aronson
- Custer got Siouxed
-anonymous
- Compost happens
-Brian Gerards
- Bad cop...no donut.
-many people
- I'm pro choice, I choose to hunt, trap, eat meat and wear fur.
-anonymous
- Due to recent cutbacks, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.
-Dawn M Nyht
- The light at the end of the tunnel is an oncoming train.
-Dawn M Nyht
- Just visiting this planet
-Dawn M Nyht
- Next time you think you're perfect, try walking on water.
-Dawn M Nyht
- DAM : Mothers Against Dislexia
-Gurmukh Mongia
- Dislexics of the world... UNTIE!!
-Gurmukh Mongia
- I will never put off 'till tomorrow what I can forget about forever
-Gurmukh Mongia
- Do Not Meddle In The Affairs Of Dragons For You Are Crunchy And Good With Ketchup.
-Kim Siegel
- Where There's A Whip, There's A Way.
-Kim Siegel
- Sorry, I just haven't been the same since that house fell on my sister.
-Nicole Long
- HELP! I've tripped and I can't get down!
-anonymous
- I said "no" to drugs, but they just woudn't listen.
- Letitia Yao
- We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.
- Letitia Yao
- One who farts in church sits in his own pew.
- Chris Potter
- I do everything my rice krispies tell me to do
- Earth first! We'll strip mine the other planets later!
- Martin Meadows
- Very funny Scotty, Now beam down my Clothes!!!
- Martin Meadows
- STOP CONTINENTAL DRIFT!
- Mert Proctor
- I Hate Coffee--It Keeps Me Awake at Work.
- Mert Proctor
- I want to make love in the worst way--standing up in a canoe
- Mert Proctor
- There was nothing Great about the Depression.
- Derek Jackson
- HELP END POVERTY--EAT THE POOR
- Sarah Konikoff
- The more people I know, the more I love my dog.
- Debbie Wright
- The best way to change someone's mind is with a rock
- Don't show your public hair, while in pubic.
- Bad spellers of the world enight!
- Anyone can give up smoking, but it takes a real man to face cancer.
- Letitia Yao
- Hard work has a future payoff, but laziness pays off now.
- Letitia Yao
- Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
- Letitia Yao
- Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
- Letitia Yao
- A friend in need... can be a real pain in the ass.
- Letitia Yao
- If you must burn our flag, please wrap yourself in it first.
- JC Chapman
- BE KIND TO YOUR CHILDREN; THEY CHOOSE YOUR NURSING HOME.
- Don Nieding
- Not tonite dear, I have a modem!
- Laura Coletti
- Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't
- Sandy McManmon
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