Bumper Stickers

• Want a taste of religion? Bite a minister.
• Worry, God knows all about you.
       - Frank Warmerdam
  
• Jesus is coming, look busy!
       - Alan Bennett
  
• Jesus loves you! (everyone else thinks you're an asshole!)
       - Scott Mays
  
• JESUS SAVES... But Gretzky gets the rebound, he shoots, he SCORES!!
       - Scott Mays
  
• I've found Jesus... He's in my trunk
       - anonymous
  
• Suicide is a way of telling God 'you can't fire me, I QUIT!'
       -Todd Rudolph
  
• I have nothing against god, it's his followers that I can't stand
       -Brian E. Aronson
  
• Heaven doesn't want me, and hell is afraid I'll take over
       -Alex Grushow
  
• Geez if you belive in honkus.
• The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.
       - Letitia Yao
  
• I FOUND JESUS...he's in the truck of my car...you can see him for five dollars.
• Born again pagan.
       - Letitia Yao
  
• God, please protect me from your followers.
       - Russ Bergs
  
• God is living in Canada and doesn't want to get involved!
       - Russ Bergs
  

• Do I look like a Hemroid? Then get off my ass
       -William Mount
  
• Backoff I'm a postal worker.
       -William Mount
  
• Of course you're faster, but I'm driving in front of you.
       -Alfred Stoffels
  
• Now that you are on my ass you wanna get married?
       -Eddie Walters
  
• I drive the speed limit. If you don't like it call a cop!
       -Christina Ramer
  
• I'm not tailgaiting I'm drafting!
       - anonymous
  
• I am a slow moving disciple of the Swami Procrastinada
       - Stephanie Martin
  
• If you can read this, your to close. (Written in brail)
       - Josh Walters
  
• If you can read this, you're in phaser range
       - Dan Hecker
  
• Too Close for Missiles, Switching to Guns
       - Mike Kleiner
  
• Do Not Tailgate. Or I Will Flick a Booger on Your windshield!
       - anonymous
  
• I'm not in heat SO GET OFF MY TAIL!
       - Sarah Rhodes
  

• Go ahead and honk. I'm reloading.
       - Scot Colburn
  
• This car protected by a pissed off mother with a .45 auto.
       -Colobus Martin
  
• Hold on before you pass, I'm reloading.
       -Colobus Martin
  
• I have PMS and a gun.....excuse me, did you have something to say?
       -Lisa Kennedy
  
• Happiness is an automatic weapon with a belt feed
       - Kevin Kilbey
  
• Driver carries only $20 worth of ammunition
       - Many People
  
• I still miss my ex...but my aim is getting better!
       - Jennifer Lipori
  
• This car protected by Smith & Wesson
       - Andrea Curry
  
• Fight crime, shoot back
       - Remy Barnes
  
• If guns are outlawed, only outlaws will accidentally shoot their children
       - Nancy Lutz
  
• Gun control means using both hands!
       - Barry Bean
  
• Gun control is being able to hit your target
       - Alex Grushow
  
• Guns don't kill people, they just make it easier
       - Skylar Sutton
  

• My karma ran over your dogma.
• Cover me. I'm changing lanes.
• Friends don't let friends drive naked.
• If you don't like the way I drive, get off the sidewalk!
       - Many different people
  
• Caution! Driver's applying make-up
       - anonymous
  
• CAUTION : Driver Singing
       - Andrea Curry
  
• The kids drive me crazy, I drive them everywhere
       - anonymous
  
• Why am I the only person on earth that knows how to drive?
       - Stephanie Martin
  
• FORGET ABOUT WORLD PEACE...VISUALIZE USING YOUR TURN SIGNAL
       - Letitia Yao
  
• If you think I'm a lousy driver, wait until you see me putt
       - Kevin Streit
  
• Hang up and drive
       - Jenne Erin
  
• I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather. . . Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car
       - Many people
  
• Evacuate the road!!! STUDENT driving!!
       -Urszula & Waldo Mochalski
  
• It was only a lane change!
       -Susan Montgomery
  
• I drive this way just to piss you off.
       -Eddie Walters
  
• Go on speeding, we'll cut you out (of your car ) -- Your Fire Dept.
       -Alfred Stoffels
  
• Go on, I'll see you at the next traffic light.
       -Alfred Stoffels
  
• Get in. Sit down. Shut up. Hang on.
       -Dawn M Nyht
  
• Caution I swerve and hit people at random.
       -Eddie Walters
  
• So many pedestrians, so little time.
• Lost your cat? Look under my tires
       - Eddie Grant
  
• <----Passing Side / Suicide---->
• Hang up and drive
       - Jennepher Barnes
  
• I wonder how you'd drive with that car phone shoved up your ass?
       - Larry Pittman
  

• Beautify Texas. Put a Yankee on a bus.
• Welcome to Texas, now go home.
• Carlsbad Caverns: 22% more cavities.
• Save California; when you leave take someone with you.
• I Cayman went.
• Wisconsin: Smell our dairy air!
       -Carol Ann Asiala
  
• WELCOME TO IDAHO. NOW GO BACK TO CALIFORNIA
       - Kris Fye
  
• If Texas is so great, what are you doing in New Mexico?
       - Sarah Reinhardt
  

• DAMM - Drunks Against Mad Mothers
       -Adrian Mongeli
  
• I may be drunk, but you are down right ugly, and I shall be sober in the morning
       - anonymous
  
• A man is not truly drunk until he can't lie on the floor without holding on
       - Keith Fisher
  
• An Irishman is not drunk so long as he can hold on to one blade of grass and not fall off the earth.
• Don't drink and drive--if you hit a bump you spill your beer
       - David Elmer
  
• If I'm driving funny its probably becuase I'm drunk.
       - Alastair
  
• Beer isn't just for breakfast any more.
• A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
       - Letitia Yao
  
• I have a problem with drinking... two hands and only one mouth
       - Ignacio Aspiazul
  

• Honk if you hate noise pollution
       -Gurmukh Mongia
  
• Clap one hand if you love Budda
       -Greg Bishopp
  
• Honk if you don't give a damn
       - anonymous
  
• Horn broken. Watch for finger.
       - anonymous
  
• Honk if you love cheeses.
• Honk if you're illiterate
• Honk if the twins fall out
       - Jennepher Barnes
  
• Honk if parts fall off!
       - Tom Andrecht
  

• Mafia staff car.
       -Alfred Stoffels
  
• MY OTHER TARDIS IS A POLICE BOX
       - Wesle Dymoke
  
• My other car is a Zamboni
       - Andrea Curry
  
• My other car is Christine, and she's right behind you!
       - David Brown
  
• My wife's other car is a broom.
       - Sandra Hill
  
• This is not an abandoned vehicle.
• Do Not Wash - this vehicle is undergoing a scientific dirt test.
       -Dawn M Nyht
  
• Yah it stinks and is giving you a headache it's a desil
       -anonymous
  
• This car is like my husband, if it ain't yours don't touch it!
       - Susan Lee Rivas
  

• We're staying together for the sake of the cats.
• When you're in love, you're at the mercy of a stranger.
• I'm the man of this house and I have my wife's permission to say so.
       -Urszula & Waldo Mochalski
  
• I got this motorhome for my wife....BEST deal I ever made!
       - anonymous
  
• LOVE: TWO VOWELS, TWO CONSONANTS, TWO FOOLS
       - Letitia Yao
  
• Dad's the boss. Right Mommy?
       - Brian Gugala
  

• THE GENE POOL COULD USE A LITTLE CHLORINE
       - Letitia Yao
  
• SOME PEOPLE ARE ALIVE ONLY BECAUSE IT IS ILLEGAL TO KILL THEM
       - Letitia Yao
  
• Thank you for not breeding
       - anonymous
  
• YOU!!! Out of the gene pool
       - anonymous
  
• Learn from your parent's mistakes - use birth control
       -Judd & Sara Stewart
  
• So many stupid people, So few comets
       - Letitia Yao
  
• Sorry, I don't date outside my species.
• Stop Inbreding! Ban country music.
       -Daryl Ganskopp
  
• When evolution is outlawed, only outlaws children will evolve.
       - John W. Pope
  

• A fool and his money are my best friends
       -Gurmukh Mongia
  
• It is better to be rich and healthy than poor and sick.
       -Jowe Cromwell
  
• Change is inevitable... except for vending machines
       -anonymous
  
• Money isn't everything...but it sure keeps the kids in touch!
       - Tara Williams
  
• Hit me, I need money
       - anonymous
  
• Thank God for the IRS. Without them I'd be stinking rich!
       - Alex Grushow
  
• If money could talk, it would say goodbye.
• A fool and his money are soon partying
       -Alex Grushow
  
• IF YOU'RE RICH, I'M SINGLE
       - Laura Gill
  

• Bright red meat is good for you. Fuzzy green meat is not good for you.
       -Victor Burhans
  
• Vegetarian: Indian word for lousy hunter
       -Brian E. Aronson
  
• There are only 2 choices on the menu: take it or leave it.
       -Urszula & Waldo Mochalski
  
• I didn't work my way to the top of the food chain to eat vegetables
       - Many people
  
• I like cats, they taste just like chicken.
       - Many different people
  
• If we weren't meant to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
       - Cory Gallagher
  
• Cat... the other white meat.
       - Letitia Yao
  

• Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
• Grow your own dope, plant a man.
       - Many different people
  
• Good Girls Go To Heaven, Bad Girls Go Everywhere.
       - Susan Lee Rivas
  
• Zero to Bitch in 4.0 Seconds
       - Susan Lee Rivas
  
• FEW WOMEN ADMIT THEIR AGE, FEW MEN ACT IT
       - Letitia Yao
  
• I'm the person your mother warned you about!
       -Lisa Leatherneck
  
• Men aren't pigs....pigs are gentle, cute creatures!
       -Lisa Kennedy
  
• Missing, Husband And Dog; Attention $100.00 Reward For Dog
       - anonymous
  
• If men had periods, they'd brag about the size of their tampons
       -Brian E. Aronson
  
• When God made man she was only kidding!
       - Amy Morris
  

• It's been lovely, but I have to scream now.
• Normal people worry me
       - Stephanie Martin
  
• Scientists say 1 out of every 4 people is crazy, check 3 friends, if they are ok, your it
       - anonymous
  
• I DON'T SUFFER FROM INSANITY, I ENJOY EVERY MINUTE OF IT
       - Letitia Yao
  
• Moody bitch seeks nice guy for love-hate relationship
       - Linda Olson
  
• Support mental health or I'll kill you
       - Garett Blackwell
  
• Sometimes I wish life had subtitles
       - anonymous
  
• If you're happy and you know it see a shrink
       -anonymous
  
• P.M.S ?!! Hell, this is one of my better days!!
       -Urszula & Waldo Mochalski
  
• Madness takes its toll--please have exact change ready
       - Robert Hallworth
  
• If you can't change your mind, are you sure you still have one?
       -Brian E. Aronson
  

• I may be fat but you're ugly, and I can lose weight.
• Life's too short to dance with ugly men.
• Life's too short to dance with ugly women.
• My other wife is beautiful.
• Nobody's ugly after 2 a.m.
• Never fight ugly people they have nothing to loose
       -anonymous
  

• Us blondes aren't bumb
       - anonymous
  
• If you think I'm a drunk driver you're wrong, I'm a blonde
       - Dana Lyon
  
• Body by Nautilus; brain by Mattel
       - Minda McDorman
  
• When blondes have more fun, do the know it?
       - Alex Grushow
  

• HE WHO LAUGHS LAST THINKS SLOWEST
       - Letitia Yao
  
• i souport publik edekashun
       - Jill Wood-Naatz
  
• Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all of it's students.
       -Brian Gerards
  
• As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
       -Brian Gerards
  
• I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
       -Brian Gerards
  
• I is a college student.
• HUKED ON FONIKS WERKD FER ME!

• My wife says if I go fishing one more time, she's going to leave me. Gosh, I'm going to miss her.
• The worst day fishing is better than the best day working.
• The question of fishing is not a matter of life or death... it's more important than that.
       - Alex Grushow
  
• Work is for people who don't know how to fish
       - Mark Roach
  

• My kid can beat up your honor student
       - Mike Ralston
  
• My honor student fired your stupid kid
       - David Rasoff
  
• My child was inmate of the month at the county jail
       - Michael Foster
  
• My kid had sex with your honor student.

• Take a Bite out of Crime. It tastes like Chicken.
       -Daniel Gershman
  
• Crime wouldn't pay if the government ran it.
• I don't lie, cheat or steal unnecessarily.
• Don't steal. The government hates competition.

• Hug a Logger you will never go back to trees
       -Phil Ferguson
  
• Support your local undertaker - DROP DEAD!
       -anonymous
  
• Archeologists will date any old thing
       - Becky Staley
  
• Join the Army: Visit exotic places, meet interesting people and then kill them
       - Andrea Curry
  
• Please don't tell my Mama that I work on an oil rig... She thinks I'm a piano player in a whorehouse.
       - Jack Fleming
  
• Give Blood Play Hockey
       - Douglass Laing
  
• Guns don't kill people postal workers do.
       - Alastair
  
• U.S. MARINE CORPS.--Everything destroyed in 30 min. or the next one's free!
• Support a Lawyer - Become a Doctor
       - Don Smith
  
• FIREFIGHTERS FIND THEM HOT AND LEAVE EM WET

• Dole for Pineapple, Not for President
       - Remy Barnes
  
• Honk if you've been groped by Clinton
       - Don Smith
  

• Auntie Em. Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy.
• It's as bad as you think and they are out to get you.
• If you don't like the news, go out and make some of your own.
• When you do a good deed get a receipt (in case heaven is like the IRS).
• Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off.
• Eschew obfuscation.
• Will Rogers never met a lawyer.
• Happiness is seeing your mother-in-law's face on the back of a milk carton.
• It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
• Is there life before coffee?
• Never play leap frog with a unicorn.
• The weather is here. Wish you were beautiful.
• I need someone really bad. Are you really bad?
• Smile. It's the second best thing you can do with your lips.
• Don't laugh. Your daughter could be in this vehicle.
• Nuke the unborn baby whales.
• I came, I saw, I did a little shopping.
• There's one in every crowd and they always find me.
• Just when you think you've won the rat race along come faster rats.
• If it's too loud, you're too old.
• Wink. I'll do the rest.
• Cynics are people who know the price of everything and the value of nothing.
• Who cares who's on board?
• Die Yuppie Scum.
• No radio. Already stolen.
• Exxon Suxx.
• Flying saucers are real, the Air Force doesn't exist.
• I don't care who you are, what you are driving, or where you would rather be.      - Dorian Hausman
  
• Pray for Whirled Peas!
       - Many different people
  
• It's not how you pick your nose, it's where you put the boogers.
       - Jennifer Nichols
  
• It's not how you pick it, but where you flick it
       - Allan Wise
  
• They say you can't take it with you... But they also can't come and get it!
       - Russell Chambers
  
• Humpty Dumpty was Pushed.
       - Susan Lee Rivas
  
• I'd rather be over the hill than under it.
       - David Brown
  
• I've run out of sick days, so I am calling in dead
       - Jennie Cline
  
• Defecation eventuates.
       - Shelley Huston
  
• Fleece on earth, good wool to ewe.
       - Alex Grushow
  
• If there is a tourist season, why can't we shoot them
       - Stepahn Hoffman
  
• Nonconformists are all alike.
       - Duncan Frenz
  
• Hug your kids at home-belt them in the car!
       - anonymous
  
• Car will explode upon impact
       - Brian Baxter
  
• Don't piss me off. i'm running out of places to hide the bodies.
       - Stephanie Martin
  
• Don't laugh at these fogged up windows it's your daughter in here
       - David Elmer
  
• Ask me about microwaving cats for fun and profit
       - anonymous
  
• Do what you did when you were a kid: fly a kite, go fishing hunt a dinosaur
       - Stanford Le
  
• CONSCIOUSNESS: THAT ANNOYING TIME BETWEEN NAPS
       - Letitia Yao
  
• DIPLOMACY IS THAT ART OF SAYING "NICE DOGGIE!"...TILL YOU CAN FIND A ROCK
       - Letitia Yao
  
• I LIKE YOU BUT I WOULDN'T WANT TO SEE YOU WORKING WITH SUB-ATOMIC PARTICLES
       - Letitia Yao
  
• LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION, I CAN FIND IT MYSELF
       - Letitia Yao
  
• ACCORDING TO MY CALCULATIONS THE PROBLEM DOESN'T EXIST
       - Letitia Yao
  
• PRIDE IS WHAT WE HAVE - VANITY IS WHAT OTHERS HAVE
       - Letitia Yao
  
• WE HAVE ENOUGH YOUTH, HOW ABOUT A FOUNTAIN OF SMART
       - Letitia Yao
  
• PURITANISM: THE HAUNTING FEAR THAT SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE MAY BE HAPPY
       - Letitia Yao
  
• End racism...kill everyone
       - Laura Giannotti
  
• Indians discovered Columbus
       - Matthew Atkinson
  
• Never Underestimate The Power Of Stupid People In Large Groups
       - D.Z. Jursevics
  
• If you love your life as much as I love my car then you won't steal it
       - anonymous
  
• Hire Teenagers while they still know everything!
       - Phillip Hubbell
  
• Conserve Water; Shower with a friend
       - anonymous
  
• Let me tell you about my bowel movements.
       -Julie Woodson
  
• If you are not the lead truck, the scenary never changes.
       -Urszula & Waldo Mochalski
  
• All generalizations are false.
       - Jill Wood-Naatz
  
• If I roll up my windows and lock the doors, its because you smell horrible
       -Brian E. Aronson
  
• Custer got Siouxed
       -anonymous
  
• Compost happens
       -Brian Gerards
  
• Bad cop...no donut.
       -many people
  
• I'm pro choice, I choose to hunt, trap, eat meat and wear fur.
       -anonymous
  
• Due to recent cutbacks, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.
       -Dawn M Nyht
  
• The light at the end of the tunnel is an oncoming train.
       -Dawn M Nyht
  
• Just visiting this planet
       -Dawn M Nyht
  
• Next time you think you're perfect, try walking on water.
       -Dawn M Nyht
  
• DAM : Mothers Against Dislexia
       -Gurmukh Mongia
  
• Dislexics of the world... UNTIE!!
       -Gurmukh Mongia
  
• I will never put off 'till tomorrow what I can forget about forever
       -Gurmukh Mongia
  
• Do Not Meddle In The Affairs Of Dragons For You Are Crunchy And Good With Ketchup.
       -Kim Siegel
  
• Where There's A Whip, There's A Way.
       -Kim Siegel
  
• Sorry, I just haven't been the same since that house fell on my sister.
       -Nicole Long
  
• HELP! I've tripped and I can't get down!
       -anonymous
  
• I said "no" to drugs, but they just woudn't listen.
       - Letitia Yao
  
• We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.
       - Letitia Yao
  
• One who farts in church sits in his own pew.
       - Chris Potter
  
• I do everything my rice krispies tell me to do
• Earth first! We'll strip mine the other planets later!
       - Martin Meadows
  
• Very funny Scotty, Now beam down my Clothes!!!
       - Martin Meadows
  
• STOP CONTINENTAL DRIFT!
       - Mert Proctor
  
• I Hate Coffee--It Keeps Me Awake at Work.
       - Mert Proctor
  
• I want to make love in the worst way--standing up in a canoe
       - Mert Proctor
  
• There was nothing Great about the Depression.
       - Derek Jackson
  
• HELP END POVERTY--EAT THE POOR
       - Sarah Konikoff
  
• The more people I know, the more I love my dog.
       - Debbie Wright
  
• The best way to change someone's mind is with a rock
• Don't show your public hair, while in pubic.
• Bad spellers of the world enight!
• Anyone can give up smoking, but it takes a real man to face cancer.
       - Letitia Yao
  
• Hard work has a future payoff, but laziness pays off now.
       - Letitia Yao
  
• Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
       - Letitia Yao
  
• Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
       - Letitia Yao
  
• A friend in need... can be a real pain in the ass.
       - Letitia Yao
  
• If you must burn our flag, please wrap yourself in it first.
       - JC Chapman
  
• BE KIND TO YOUR CHILDREN; THEY CHOOSE YOUR NURSING HOME.
       - Don Nieding
  
• Not tonite dear, I have a modem!
       - Laura Coletti
  
• Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't
       - Sandy McManmon