In a Non-smoking area: "If we see you smoking we will assume you are on
fire and take appropriate action."
On Maternity Room Door: "Push, Push, Push."
At an Optometrist's Office: "If you don't see what you're looking for,
you've come to the right place."
On a Scientist's door: "Gone Fission"
On a Taxidermist's window: "We really know our stuff."
In a Podiatrist's window: "Time wounds all heels."
At a Used Car Lot: "Secondhand cars in first crash condition."
On a fence: "Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive."
At a Car Dealership: "The best way to get back on your feet is to miss a
car payment."
Outside a Muffler Shop: "No appointment necessary. We'll hear you coming."
Outside a Hotel: "Help! We need inn-experienced people."
At an Auto Body Shop: "May we have the next dents?"
On a desk in a Reception Room: "We shoot every 3rd salesman, and the 2nd
one just left."
In a Veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
On a Music Teacher's door: "Out Chopin."
At the Electric Company: "We would be delighted if you send in your bill.
However, if you don't, you will be." (get it? De-lighted?
That one took me a minute, too.)
On the side of a Garbage Truck: "We've got what it takes to take what
you've got."
On the door of a Computer Store: "Out for a quick byte."
In a Restaurant window: "Don't stand there and be hungry, come in and get
fed up."
Inside a Bowling Alley: "Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop."
In a Cafeteria: "Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria. Socks can eat
any place they want."
On the door of a Music Library: "Bach in a minuet."