"When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire.”
"To collect fumes of sulfur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube."
"When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide."
"Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then
expectoration.”
"The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader."
"Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them
perspire."
"Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas."
"The body consists of three parts- the brainium, the borax and the
abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the
heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there
are five - a, e, i, o, and u."
"The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects."
"A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is."
"Germinate: To become a naturalized German."
"Liter: A nest of young puppies."
"Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away."
"Vacuum: A large, empty space where the pope lives."
"Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative
or negative."
"To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose."
"For fainting: Rub the person's chest or, if a lady, rub her arm above the
hand instead. Or put the head between the knees of the nearest medical
doctor."
"For dog bite: Put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered,
then kill it."
"For asphyxiation: Apply artificial respiration until the patient is
dead."
"To keep milk from turning sour: Keep it in the cow."