WE ARE BORG. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE. YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED. But
we're not home right now. So leave a message at the tone, and we'll
assimilate you later.
Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator.
Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with
one of these magnets.
Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent.
Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.
(Very fast:) Hi, this is 904-4344. If you want to leave a message,
please wait for the tone. If you want to leave your name and number,
please press pound, press 3, then dial your name, then press 6 and
dial your number. If you want to leave your name and just a message,
press star, press 6, ask for extension 4443, then leave your name and
message. If you want to leave your number and the time you called,
please press star twice, spin in a circle, press 1 twice, talk loud
and (BEEP)
E'llo. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Leave your name
and number, and prepare to die.
Greetings, you have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know
who you are and what you want, so at the sound of the tone, please
hang up.
I can't come to the phone now because alien beings are eating my
brain. Leave a message anyway, and after the alien beings assume my
shape, one of them will get back to you.
I can't come to the phone now because I have amnesia and I feel stupid
talking to people I don't remember. I'd appreciate it if you could
help me out by leaving my name and telling me something about
myself. Thanks.
(Rod Sterling imitation:) You're dazed, bewildered, trapped in a world
without time, where sound collides with color and shadows explode. You
see a signpost up ahead-this is no ordinary telephone answering
device... You have reached, "The Twilight Phone"-----
I can't come to the phone now, so if, well, actually, I CAN come to
the phone now, I mean, like, I'm at the phone NOW, recording this
message, but I'm doing this NOW, while you're listening to it LATER,
except for you I guess it's NOW, like, when you're listening to
it... I mean, like, wait, gosh. This is so confusing.
The number you have reached, 226-0477, has been changed. The new
number is 226-0477. Please make a note of it.
You have reached the CPX-2000 Voice Blackmail System. Your voice
patterns are now being digitally encoded and stored for later
use. Once this is done, our computers will be able to use the sound of
YOUR voice for literally thousands of illegal and immoral
purposes. There is no charge for this initial consultation. However
our staff of professional extortionists will contact you in the near
future to further explain the benefits of our service, and to arrange
for your schedule of payment. Remember to speak clearly at the sound
of the tone. Thank you.
(Klingon voice:) ANSWERING MACHINE. SPEAK. You have reached the number
you have dialed. Please leave a message after the beep.
Hello, this is Sid. I've got a puppy in one hand and a Smith & Wesson
.38 in the other. Leave a message or the puppy gets it.
My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave
your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished.
Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right
now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing
it up and down, and I like doing it left to right...real slowly. So
leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth we'll get back
to you.
Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave
me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.